A sorrowful memory about not being able to take responsibility

I had a discussion with some people about the future. During the discussion with a girl, I talked about taking responsibility. I discovered that I was worried about not being able to take responsibility.

My worries of not being able to take responsibility were related to helplessness, uselessness.

God helped me to see an excruciating memory related to not being able to take responsibility. Early in 2001, I had a male toy poodle dog named Terry. He was mine. I loved him so much. Terry had behavior issues (soiling and destroying, etc.). I loved him but didn’t know how to help him. Terry had been sacrificed by a larger problem than his own behavior issues. It was a conflict and tension between the members of the family. I had a negative tension with my father and my mother. And my parents were in tension between them. My father got exploded one day and did a ruthless thing for the dog, which made me shudder and loathe him more. A few days after, my mom got exploded with Terry’s other behavior issues, and she took them and returned to the breeder despite my begging, crying, tearing, yelling, and shouting. She said to the breeder that the dog was causing too many problems and he can’t live with us. That’s how I lost the dog. I know it was not just Terry. It was the family who had the problems. I was only 9-10 years old. I was very unappreciated in the family. None of my parents cared how and what I would feel for losing Terry. It was a very bitter memory for learning my uselessness and helplessness.

When I think about what I want to do and how I want to serve in the future, I always think about helping people in the situation I was in in 2001. I can’t be a Superhero to save the world, but I want to help with the best of my ability to prevent such things from happening again. If I need to be a dog’s behavior expert, I will be. If I need to be a vet with a certified degree to make the owners listen to my professional authority, I will be. If I need to be a family/ individual psychological issue consultant, I will be. I am lucky that God helped me to survive despite my early loss and experiences of uselessness and helplessness. These are lethal feelings. Not everyone needs to go through that.

Being able to take responsibility is a happy thing. I want to help people to do it well from the field that God has planned for me.